25 of Kevin Bridges' most hilarious quotes and jokes

Since bursting onto the scene as a guest on Michael Mcintyre's Comedy Roadshow in 2009, Kevin Bridges has thrilled audiences with his knack for humorous storytelling.

As the Glaswegian prepares to embark on a UK-wide tour we rounded up some of his finest jokes and quotes.

Warning: contains adult humour

“In Glasgow, ‘how’ means ‘why?’ You do not ponder why, you demand HOW?”

"It must be pretty surreal being Prince Harry and William on a stag night. Just you and your mates stuffing pictures of your gran into your lap-dancer's bra."

"I love the Americans who visit Edinburgh, they're enthusiastic. When they're up at Edinburgh Castle, they think it's a high school because they hear gunshots every lunchtime."

"I've reached that age where there's a baby being passed around somebody's living room like it's a spliff."

“Working in Poundstretcher for no wages…working in a shop where everything is worth a quid except you."

“When the kids at school found out your parents were away, news spread like wildfire. ‘Oh I hear you’re having a party.’ Having is probably the wrong word to use…you’re GETTING a party."

"I’ve never been stabbed, but I can imagine it being somewhat inconvenient."

"Primark have started selling Che Guevara t-shirts - that's a fitting testimony to the man's legacy. He fought for the poor and oppressed in South America, now his face is being stitched onto t-shirts by the poor and oppressed in Southeast Asia to be worn by the poor and oppressed in South East London."

(Photo: BBC)

"Islamic fundamentalists attacked New York, Madrid, London and then Glasgow - we were f***ing flattered. "

"Edinburgh and Glasgow: same country, very different cities. In Edinburgh, when a gun goes off, it's one o'clock."

On a thief at a party: "There’s a guy in the corner just trying on peoples jackets. Asking people if it suits him, not even does it fit him, does it suit him. The guy’s a petty thief but he’s also a fashionista."

On receiving an invitation to 10 Downing Street from former Prime Minister David Cameron: "Got this through the door today, my heart is saying "f*** that" and my head is saying 'Aye, f*** that'."